Jokes

As requested, this sub-forum is for partying, fun, gossip, conundrums, flirting, comedy, tragedy, or whatever.
John
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Location: Cambridge, MA USA
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Jokes

Postby John » Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:23 pm

With so much serious and depressing news in the world, we need
a place for jokes.

John
Posts: 8642
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:10 pm
Location: Cambridge, MA USA
Contact:

Re: Jokes

Postby John » Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:25 pm

** The Spanish Magician

Question: A Spanish magician wanted to count to three. What happened
to him?

Answer: He said: Uno, dos ... and then there was absolute silence.

He had disappeared without a tres.

FishbellykanakaDude
Posts: 952
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:07 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby FishbellykanakaDude » Wed Feb 13, 2019 2:00 am

Oooooo,.. subtle! Excellent. I likez it........!

FishbellykanakaDude
Posts: 952
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:07 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby FishbellykanakaDude » Wed Feb 13, 2019 2:09 am

John wrote:** The Spanish Magician

Question: A Spanish magician wanted to count to three. What happened
to him?

Answer: He said: Uno, dos ... and then there was absolute silence.

He had disappeared without a tres.


Question: A French stubborn incompetent utopian (politician/philosopher) wanted to count to four. What happened?

Answer: He said: Un, deux, trois, trois, trois, trois....

If at first you don't succeed, trois trois again...!!

Heisenberg
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby Heisenberg » Mon Mar 11, 2019 6:11 pm

What's the difference between the Prince of Wales, an ape, and a bald headed man?
The Prince of Wales is the heir apparent.
An ape has a hairy parent.
A bald-headed man has no hair apparent.

John
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Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:10 pm
Location: Cambridge, MA USA
Contact:

Re: Jokes

Postby John » Mon Mar 11, 2019 7:03 pm


  • Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars? Because, every time
    he looked at the speedometer he got lost!

  • I do not know what is wrong with Heisenberg. He seems so sure of
    himself lately.

  • Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who asks: "Do you know how
    fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly
    where I am"


https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijoke ... nberg.html

FishbellykanakaDude
Posts: 952
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:07 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby FishbellykanakaDude » Tue Mar 12, 2019 8:48 pm

Heisenberg wrote:What's the difference between the Prince of Wales, an ape, and a bald headed man?
The Prince of Wales is the heir apparent.
An ape has a hairy parent.
A bald-headed man has no hair apparent.


What's the similarity between The Duchess of Cambridge, Paul Prenter, and a "lucky" drone?

- Kate will be a Queen Consort.
- Paul Prenter was a Queen Consort.
- "Lucky" Drone Bees are Queen Consorts,.. until their penises and associated abdominal tissues are ripped from the their bodies after sexual intercourse rendering them quite dead..
Last edited by FishbellykanakaDude on Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FishbellykanakaDude
Posts: 952
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:07 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby FishbellykanakaDude » Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:12 pm

John wrote:

  • Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars? Because, every time
    he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
  • I do not know what is wrong with Heisenberg. He seems so sure of
    himself lately.
  • Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who asks: "Do you know how
    fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly
    where I am"

https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijoke ... nberg.html


Heisenberg, Schrödinger's cat, and a very agitated Paul Dirac burst through the front door of The Bloody Boar's Head Quantum Tavern and Public House twenty seven seconds before last call..

..Who got Bartender Richard Feynman's attention first?



(( ..and YES, the cat WAS clearly labelled "Schrödinger's Cat". ))

Guest

Re: Jokes

Postby Guest » Fri Sep 20, 2019 10:11 pm

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her
balance. So I pushed her over.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced
them with, but I've been tripping all day.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed
surprised.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad,
finally I had to take his bike away.

I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Guest

Re: Jokes

Postby Guest » Sun Sep 22, 2019 12:32 pm

Signs That You’re Dating A Software Tester:

Your love letters get returned to you marked up with red ink, highlighting your grammar and spelling mistakes.

When you ask him how you look in a dress, he’ll actually tell you.

When you tell him that you won’t change something he has asked you to change, he’ll offer to allow you two other flaws in exchange for correcting this one.

When you give him the “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup line, he’ll agree with you and give the specifics.

He won’t help you change a broken light bulb because his job is simply to report and not to fix.

He’ll keep bringing up old problems that you’ve since resolved just to make sure that they’re truly gone.

In the bedroom, he keeps “probing” the incorrect “inputs”.


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